My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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