Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
