There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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