We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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