she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize