When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
