I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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