Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
