i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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