he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
