Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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