porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
