I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
