My hand turned me down
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize