I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
