Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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