His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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