i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
