please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
