i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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