those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
