Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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