I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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