I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
