The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
