I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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