I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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