I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
