i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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