After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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