I cannot find my penis.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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