they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
