I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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