I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
