Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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