I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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