Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
