I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
