You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
