i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
