The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
