I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
