I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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