"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
