Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
