More tranny stories later!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
