Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
