I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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