Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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