quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
