I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize