There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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