can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
