well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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