Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
