So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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