Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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