you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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