thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
