Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
