Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
