You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
