I'm gonna have a badass scar
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
