Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
