He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
