i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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