4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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