Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
