the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
