Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
