I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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