Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
