I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
