its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
